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Exhaustion.

That is the word of the day/week/month/year.

Life is good. Very good. But also exhausting.

We haven't worked on the house, really worked on the house, in a little over a month. The break has been amazing but the long list of what still needs to get done is overwhelming. It feels like a heavy blanket of burden.

But that's ridiculous.

The house is livable. Fine, really.

I haven't mustered the energy or will to unpack the millions of frames and get some stuff on the walls after, oh, I don't know, 4 months already.

The kitchen is an eyesore that I'm just going to have to live with for another year or so. God bless Rocky...He wants to fix the kitchen for me now, but it's just too much. Too much money. Too much effort. Too much dust. I can't deal with that right now. I finally feel like we're breathing semi-clean air.

Summer, what we've had of it, is rapidly coming to a close. The boys start school in a month and everything, and nothing, will change. The day's routine will still be the same, but instead of riding bikes and playing football outside, we'll be doing homework and practicing math. None of us are looking forward to it.

Work is work. The grind is the same. I am desperate for a break, but what does that even look like? Friends suggest a date night, or a small vacation, maybe just the weekend. That's not the kind of break I need. I don't need a recharge. I don't need a spark. I need a rest. Like my-soul-is-weary-and-my-bones-are-aching rest. Where does one get that when they're a full-time working, married, mom to littles? It seems so far away. Something unattainable. Like a mirage in the desert.

What will rest be then?

I don't know the answer. All I know is that I want to crawl into my pajamas and sleep. For like a month.

There really is no such thing as rest when you're a parent; Not when your kids are little, and not when they're older. I've learned that from watching mamas still struggle with worry, and fear, and doubt about their grown children's problems. It never truly ends. And it shouldn't.

But rest.

Rest would be nice.