Your Love Never Fails

I have many fears about raising black sons. It doesn't take much to understand this fear: just watch the news. But I'm not there yet. I'm not scared of that...yet.

I'm scared I will fail them because I'm white. That I won't "get it" enough. That I won't be able to offer them the things they need, things of racial and cultural importance, that only a mom of their own race could offer them. I am afraid that they are being short-changed of a life experience that I simply cannot offer.

There are two other white foster families within blocks of us also raising black children. All throughout the city, probably the entire U.S., black children in the foster care system are being placed with and loved by white families. For many reasons. There could be volumes written about why this is; Maybe we have the homes, the means, the education, the security, privilege, etc.. It could be because there are more white foster families than other races (I truly don't know). It could be because the races of foster children are predominantly African American (surely in our city this is the case), and so the odds make sense. Whatever the reason, here we sit, responsible for stewarding these precious lives all the while completely ignorant of all that they need.

That's a big responsibility. And it's important to me.

It makes me think about the story of Moses. How he was forced, by circumstances beyond his control, to live among foreigners. How God, in His infinite mercy, allowed Moses' mother to continue to nurse and influence him, despite that fact that he lived with a much wealthier, well-educated, privileged people. How he benefitted from his Egyptian upbringing, but still deeply loved his people and felt a responsibility to them. How one day, God used him to rescue his people from oppression.

I think about how if God could do that for Moses and the Israelites, then surely he can do that for my boys and their family, their people. Maybe God is allowing my children to thrive and prosper in an environment that would not have been possible had they remained with their own people so that one day they can use their upbringing to influence, shape and heal their family, thus forever altering future generations. I think about how important it is that I instill in them a love for their family, their culture, their history, their race, so that like Moses, they grow up with a deep love and compassion for their people, for equality, fairness and justice.

My oldest regularly asks me, as if to remind himself, "Mom, you said God can change anybody, right? Maybe he can change [my dad]."

And it's my job to say,"Yes, son. God can change anyone. And He has. Time and again He has changed the hearts of millions of people who love Him. And He will never stop."

It's a reminder I need myself.

He never stops.

Even when we lose interest. Turn away. Say it's too hard. Miss the point. Fail.

He never gives up.

And so, too, I will never give up trying to be the best mom I can be for these kids who deserve more than this world can give them. Like my Father in Heaven, I won't stop. Even when they say they don't want to live here. Even when they remind me they have a "real" mom. Even when they say they miss their absentee dad. Even when they hate us.

I won't stop.