Love Stinks

Have you ever been so angry at your kids that you could scream? Or worse yet, you DO scream?

Last night Rocky spoke the words that every parent has felt at least once (only once if you're lucky): "Sometimes I hate being a parent."

Preach.

Parenting is hard and not nearly as enjoyable as often as one would hope.

Parenting our kiddos seems extra hard some days because of their disabilities and trauma history, which often results in behaviors that defy explanation and leave you wanting to explode. Or go for a long walk. Or drink a bottle of wine.

I remember as a kid thinking that my parents got some sick pleasure out of disciplining us when we were in trouble. Now, as a parent myself, I can see how wrong I was.

Having to discipline your kids SUCKS. Like super duper sucks.

In our home we have a huge lying problem. A psychologist will tell you that for normally-developed children without a trauma history, lying is a normal and positive part of a child's brain development. But for our children, who are younger emotionally and mentally than their chronological ages, and who come with a battery of issues because of their pasts, lying is a way of life. Lying means protection. Self-preservation. Survival.

Even 2.5 years later, there's still so much lying.

There's also a lot of finger-pointing between brothers. "He did it!" "No, HE did it."

It's exhausting. And pretty infuriating, because the "it" they're usually referring to is some kind of damage or destruction that will cost us money to fix or replace.

We understand as parents that things get broken in the course of life and play when you have a house full of kids. We don't purchase anything really expensive or nice because we don't want to make it easier for our kids to get in trouble or have accidents.

But our kids, well...our kids take things up a notch. One in particular breaks things on purpose. Out of anger, or curiosity, or boredom, or just carelessness, he is our destructor and it's difficult sometimes to live with him. He can be quite expensive.

Right now this kid is on the outs with rest of the family because of him repeated destructive actions.

And it's hard on all of us. My oldest misses his brother. The baby misses playing with his brother. I hate having a kid upstairs by himself because he's grounded while the weather outside is beautiful and we're all playing.

There is nothing enjoyable about disciplining your kids.

But it's necessary and good for their healing and development.

Consistency is our everything in this household. It's the only way we can undo (or heal) years of garbage these kids have learned and lived through. It is the only way our kids can eventually grow into kind, responsible, compassionate, remorseful, helpful, and successful young men.

Frederick Douglass said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."

So this is where we sit.

Building strong children through love, forgiveness, consistency, and yes, even discipline.

I will not allow my boys to become broken men.