A Kiss to Build a Dream On

This morning while riding the train I got quite nostalgic thinking about Rocky and I's courtship, how long ago it seems and yet how my heart feels like it was yesterday that we shared our first kiss. It's odd, but every time this baby moves I think about how he was only made possible because his daddy asked me out on a date. (A date I almost didn't go on, but nevermind that...)

I am so grateful for the life God has given me.

Today I am 32 weeks pregnant with baby boy. For 32 weeks I have worried, prayed, laughed, sang, smiled and of course, rubbed my belly. I am so in love with being pregnant and even more in love with this baby in my belly. Of course I miss having a waist and being able to pivot (PIVOT!). Sure getting out of bed is harder and it's becoming impossible to tie my shoes. I've gone up a few bra sizes (bras aren't cheap!) and have become clumsy and forgetful, and yeah, severe heartburn and extreme pregnancy hormones are a thing.

But man...

Being pregnant is awesome.

I know I've said a million times that I didn't ever think it was something I would get to do, and so for that alone I am so thankful. But even outside of that, even if I took reproduction for granted (which I do not), the experience of growing a baby is just so neat. I love it so much that I allow it to break my heart for all the millions of women who might never get to do this. I remember being in that camp...and I still grieve for them. I still pray for them. I know God works miracles...I'm shoulder-to-shoulder with them hoping the miracle will be theirs.

But back to that kiss.

That first date led to many more dates and about a month later, to our first kiss.

And boy was it a doozy! (Just imagine me fanning myself and blushing.)

He was all I wanted in a man PLUS a good kisser? Was I in for it, or what?

That kiss was the beginning of so many dreams, for me and for us as a couple. Dreams about marriage, and ministry and family. About hopes too precious to say out loud, and fears that went deeper than I ever knew. That kiss both awakened me, and slayed me, because I knew I was done for. That was it. Ruined.

He had my heart.

This man, who I had so wrongly thought for so long was a non-committal goofball, had captured me and planted in me dreams that I never let myself dream before. And God has allowed so many of those dreams to come true through my marriage to Rocky. A wonderful marriage built on love, respect and teamwork, an active ministry at church and with our children through foster care, and now a baby on the way.

Blessed does not begin to cover it.

As I count down to baby's due date, I am overwhelmed with pride and love that his daddy will love him fiercely, protect and provide for him, and shepherd him to love Jesus, just like he already does for our boys. Just like he does for me.

And for that, well, as if I didn't already love him beyond words, I will love him even more.

Thank you for all the dreams your love has allowed me to dream. I love you. -N.