It's always stressful to me when I know my kids are going to be asked (privately) who they want to live with.
For starters, no matter what they say, it isn't really up to them and so it's almost like a cruel line of questioning. Then there's the "mood" factor. What kind of mood are my kids in? Did they get in trouble that day? Are they generally in a happy state of mind? And then there's the question of whether or not they've seen their mom recently and what that interaction was like. What did she say to them? How did they feel when they were with her? All of this matters when a caseworker or attorney is going to corner them and ask them where they want to live for the rest of their lives.
It's a terrifying few minutes for me when I'm not in the room and someone is asking the kids I've raised for the last 21 months if they like living with us and if they want to stay.
It doesn't scare Rocky. For him it doesn't matter what the kids say because they will end up where a judge deems is the best place for them. And he is confident that the judge will decide they should stay with us.
But for me, at such a crucial point in the case, it matters to me deeply what the kids say.
I want them to want to be with us.
For me, that means they know they're loved, and safe, and cared for, and tended to, and accepted.
It means they feel like a part of our family; like they've been here all along.
We aren't allowed to be present when they're being asked these questions, and so the whole time I feel anxious, and sick, and sweaty.
What if it's one of those off weeks where they say they want to live with their mom? Or someone else?
What if they say we're mean and they don't like us and that we hurt them?
What if they lie? What if they cry? What if they don't understand the gravity of what they're being asked? (of course they don't)
I am on pins and needles when the caseworker returns from talking to them.
She doesn't offer any information....which I just cannot take.
So I half-jokingly ask, "So did they kids say they want to move in with you?"
Take the bait.
Take away my stress.
And then, relief washes over me.
The kids love us.
They want to stay.
And I can breathe again.
